Dear Joel and Kathy,

This book has changed my life! Before reading it I felt like my 12 year marriage to Amy was at a dead end; there was no place to turn for help.

I believed that Amy was to blame for all of our marital problems. I would often remind her of her faults. She seemed almost lifeless. I felt that that Amy was always nagging and complaining. No matter how many times I tried to correct her of this, it only made the situation worse. Amy would mention divorce on a regular basis saying that she wished she had never married me. She would often lose her temper and would sometimes throw things at me in disgust. Our situation appeared hopeless.

I had done everything I knew to change Amy! I would pray for hours at a time and wonder why God would never change her! Nothing that I said or did made a difference. I could argue for hours as to why I was such a good husband and was not to blame for any of our problems. I left the marriage for another woman. Amy and I each had an attorney in whom we trusted to take care of the details. That would be the end of it.

Praise God! Divorce was not God's plan for our lives! I thank God for "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" Without it I would have missed out on the best years of my life and caused much harm to Amy and our children. How could I ever have been so deceived?

Amy read “The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!” first. When she told me how much the book meant to her I insisted that it must be one sided. If Amy agreed with it then it must be wrong! Amy told me that it spoke to both men and women and I wanted to find the things that spoke to the women! I began to read the book!

After reading the first few chapters I was irate. I looked forward to calling the authors in the morning to tell them how wrong they were about marriage relationships! I was not to blame! Amy was the problem! As I continued reading, the Holy Spirit moved in my heart and the scales fell from my eyes. I began to see that Amy was the woman of my dreams! Ninety pages later I fully realized that Joel and Kathy Davisson couldn’t have been more correct regarding husbands and wives.

"The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" began to change my life. I could hardly believe that I had been blind to so many things that were now crystal clear concerning the problems in our marriage. I confessed to Amy that it was I who had been wrong all along. Before those scales were removed I truly had no idea that it was I who had the problems! I had been sincere but wrong!

As I applied the principles in Joel and Kathy’s book our relationship immediately changed for the better. I have gotten my act together; Amy's problems have magically disappeared! I never would have believed this to be possible until I experienced it myself.

Amy and I feel like young teenagers in love again!
Every aspect of our life is full of hope and excitement! I praise God for the forgiveness and patience that Amy has extended to me and for the life that we now have together.

Thank you Joel and Kathy from the bottom of my heart for showing me how to be "The Man of Her Dreams". Amy surely is "The Woman of Mine!" If not for your book I would have missed out on all of the beautiful years that God has in store for my future as a husband to Amy. My three precious children would have missed out on having me as resident "daddy" and I would have missed out on being resident "daddy" to them. How blessed we as a family are.

May God bless you both,
Kenneth Robinson Tulsa Oklahoma

Thanks so much Joel!!!! We know how much shipping books and tapes as we send them all over the country to wherever Bob is ministering, so we appreciate you doing that for us!!! I will send you a check to cover the books!!! I can't wait to sit down and read it myself!!! fyi....my Bob is a 'CHANGED MAN' because of this book!!!! Bless you!!!! Jayne

Dear Joel and Kathy,

"The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" should be mandatory reading for every married couple in ministry. There are a lot of couples in ministry that never would have experienced the heart break of divorce if they could have got hold of the wisdom this book shares.

Thank you so much for your continued help and encouragement at such a difficult time in my life.

Margarita
Church Co-Founder, Florida

Dear Joel and Kathy,

I have been counseling with a couple for over a month now. There has been some change. The progress has been slowed by years of disappointment. It has been further complicated by controlling, stubborn temperaments and the husband has only done some of his homework. He has shown some signs of change, but for only a couple days each week; the rest of the time he reverts to his old behavior.

I did not think that I would have any success in getting him to read a whole book on marriage. When they arrived for their last session, I first met with the husband. After this, he relaxed in the waiting room as I worked with his wife. Imagine my surprise when his wife and I emerged from our session and found him reading "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" He said, "I am taking this home, well, can I take this home? I actually am almost done with it." Joel and Kathy, I could hardly believe it! He was 2/3 the way through and couldn't put it down. I was so excited to see him fully interested in his marriage in that way. I am very pleased at the approach Joel and Kathy take in this book. It's real people with real answers. I have ordered additional copies for use with clients and I highly recommend its use to other professional marriage counselors. Praise God!


Lisa Winchell
Licensed Pastoral Counselor

Hi Joel,

I finally gave Pastor Colby your book that you sent. We had a Pizza Dinner Tuesday night and she said that it is the most wonderful book on marriage she has ever laid her hands on. You should have heard her. She went on and on about how wonderful the book is. She said that so many marriages would be changed if the husband would read your book from the beginning to the end. She wants the couples that she counsels to read this book.

Thank you again for sending this book for Pastor Sherry Colby, from Victory Worship Center, Lake Worth, Florida.

Betty Ann Adams

Note from Joel and Kathy: When Betty Ann called to order a copy of "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!", we felt impressed to send a free second copy for her Pastor. As of this date, March 20, 2005, this was the only time we have felt led to do this. The testimony you just read is a result of this seed sown.

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Greetings in the mighty name of our lord and master Jesus Christ.

It is also my greatest pleasure to receive this wonderful and life transforming book through Mr. Sam Glover. I have known Mr. Sam for many years and have received gifts from him but I must say that this book is the greatest gift I have ever received.

I am Pastor Felix Henry Dorwu and my wife is wonderful lady called Abigail. I am the founder and leader of Abundant Grace Apostolic Church a small but very vibrant church in Tema Ghana.

I bless the name of the Lord who thinks about His own and gives them what the need to make it in life when need be. Glory to the lord again and again because He will always remain faithful to His children giving them what they need to solve their problems. AMEN!!

My wife sends her love and greetings.

Love you and bye for now,

Pastor Felix and Abigail

Dear Joel and Kathy

I took a trip to Mexico on Friday and brought your book along. I read every word on every page during my layovers and on the ride to Monterrey. It is a fabulous book. I want to encourage you always in your efforts to share what you've lived and learned. I can see you have escaped the false "submission/headship" teachings that de-value women and keep men in a state of ignorance. Jo and I are married for 29 years and have had a marriage epiphany for the last ten since God started dealing with me on how to truly love and appreciate her as the gift from God she is and always has been.

As God's people, we are virtually clueless about God's plan for couples. For me, it was like God grabbed me by the back of the neck and said, "Hey, there! Wake up!" Jo and I worked at a Teen Challenge center for a couple years, 2000-02, and did a lot of marriage counseling there, and it was the same old, "She doesn't care about my needs" attitude we dealt with consistently, but our approach is very much like yours. We emphasize the need of the husband to love his wife the bible way, putting her needs ahead of his own. We are so in love every day and it spills over into every area of life.

Jo and I celebrated our 29 year anniversary on Tuesday. We went away for the day and stayed at a nice motel with a whirlpool hot tub. Inspired I think by your book, I took Jo shopping and spent every penny I earned on my trip to Mexico on her wardrobe. She was blown away. For years she has been outfitting me for business and ministry, and this reciprocation was way past due. It really is more blessed to give than receive, and I sure enjoyed seeing her shop.

I wrote a song on a pizza box when she was out of town back in '98 at a women's conference, and recorded it a couple of years later. I'm sure you'll see God's heart in it. I too was inspired by Proverbs 18:22, and also the preceding verse about the power of the tongue.
Here's a link to take you to the song which can be played in a variety of formats. The name of the song is 'Married'

I am married to a daughter of God/ He has given a great treasure to me/ I will love her for the rest of my life/ My wife is a daughter of God
She is beautiful/ She makes me laugh/ She's my closest friend/ She shows me the Father's love (chorus)
She believes in me/ When I feel afraid/ She knows what to say/ To keep me in the race (chorus)
She tells me the truth/ Though some times it hurts/ And she touches me as only a woman can (chorus)

By the way, I used to work for a Christian publisher and met Charles and Frances Hunter on several occasions. I pray you will always be guided by God's wisdom. Your children are beautiful. The boys look like Dad and the girls look like Mom. Cool!!!! Hope to be an encouragement to you. You can count Jo and me as friends who see the wisdom of your message.

Love,
David and Jo Benrexi
www.MyDaddyLovesMe.org

http://www.mydaddylovesme.org/cd_dntg.html

Dear Joel and Kathy,

I want to thank you for bringing your life experiences out in the open for the world to see. You guys are the most real people I have ever met.

The first day I saw a change in him even though he claimed he had not read it! A week later, Brian confessed that he had indeed read it in one sitting!

He is really doing great and yes; it changes me without any effort! It is amazing how far kindness and respect goes. It is still early, but I already feel happier and he looks and acts happier too. After 19 years of marriage, 11 which have been unhappy, we are finally on the road to recovery.

Thank you both for all the advice and for keeping our marriage in your prayers!

Bianca James
Houston, Texas

Joel and Kathy,

Your tremendous book is totally a work of the Holy Spirit... totally inspired by God.

I plan on devoting several pages to very worthwhile publications in "A Place Called Heaven: Volume 2". Your book will be in this chapter, with your permission.

I am in touch with the top level military chaplains in Iraq. Your publication is sorely needed in the re-establishing of normal family life after Iraq with the stress related D.T.S.D. as well as other vital personal problems.
I am recommending your book to Major Ken Sorenson; Brigade Chaplain in Iraq.

Dr. Richard Sigmund D.D. Phd D.O.
Author: "A Place Called Heaven"
Dr. Richard is widely known as "Little Richard" from his days as a child preacher who preached in the tent meetings of the 50's with Oral Roberts, A.A. Allen, William Branham etc.

Hello Joel and Kathy,

I shared your book with my pastor and you called her when she emailed you. Thank you so much for being so personal and reachable. I was in a marriage with a Bishop for 31 yrs. and he decided to divorce me and marry a women in the church we pastored. Well today I am free and trying to complete the process of restoration.

Continue to do a good work, and I will continue to share your book with other couples.

In His Grip,
Sarah Adams

Dear Joel and Kathy,

This is Pastor Linda from WOFFC. I have been giving your books away to so many couples that I lost track of how many I had left. So I need to get an order in. I tried ordering via the website but I am in need of about 40 books and I can only order up to 20 then it jumps to 100. If you can let me know how to go forward with the order I would appreciate it.

I know that you received a phone call from a woman in our church by the name of Tara Maines. She and her husband are just soaking it up. My husband has read it as well and has given his copy away as well as my copy. We have a couple in a marriage crisis at the present time and the wife has just finished the book and has left it for her husband to read. We are believing for him to come to our encounter as well as read the book and are expecting restoration in their lives.

Thank you for sharing your ministry with us.

Serving him
PL

Hi, Joel and Kathy!

Tina and I are doing great! It is amazing how much progress we've made in our marriage in the past few months after 15 years of dysfunction. I gave the book to my father (my dad and I are much alike). He is now working the program and attending our men's support group with Tom and Jim. Your book is really changing lives! Tina and I look forward to seeing you again in April. Keep up the good work!

Adam & Tina Smith

Joel and Kathy,

I got your Four CD audio book of "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" and I am already listening to it. I have a couple I am counseling and it confirms everything I have shared with them (same Holy Spirit). God is so awesome and I know that when they listen to the whole thing, then they too will defeat the enemy who is trying to divide their home.

Thank you so much. Your teaching removes that backward way that most Christians try to make a marriage work. It has to start with the husband and so many write books on how women can manipulate their husbands into loving them and it just does not work. Thanks for the wisdom you share.

God Bless
Diann Messer

What a book!

Joel and Kathy Davisson bare all in "The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His." This easy to read book is transparent in its discussion of true marital woes prominent in Christian households. Joel's fresh look at biblical texts that have long been contorted to define marriage as a hierarchy as opposed to the partnership God intended sets this book apart from others.

Men have traditionally been ignored as being equal party to the health and success of a relationship. Kathy's narratives are instructive and reflect heroism under-acknowledged, as she and so many other women have be victims of men’s self-serving theology.

The freedom that is the Gospel should exist in our marriages. This book directs men to free themselves and, most importantly, their mates as Christ has freed us. I challenge Christian men, Black and White, to resist living out the stereotype assigned by popular culture of being clueless schmucks regarding relationships. It is time to buck up and lead our marriages to the blissful state Joel and Kathy now enjoy.

Roderick Burton
Author; The Moral State of Black America

Good Evening,

I am reading your book and it gives me hope. My Wife and I are separated and I have chosen to stand in faith fro our marriage. I do not know what is going to happen, which is of course what makes it ten times harder… I am in the Navy out at sea for about a month or so and wondering what I am facing when I get back….

My wife asked me to give her time and space, which I have been only moderately successful at… I have determined not to call and limit my E-mails to safe topics… She asked me to E-mail her, but said she would answer if she felt like answering… Not a lot to go on. We have a 7 year old who keeps telling me to not give up. The other night I had him for the weekend, and we were lying in bed and he said, “Don’t give up Daddy. The devil wants you to give up. Stay with God Daddy.” It blew me away.

I have no real idea why I am telling you all of this, except that I have to tell someone. Our relationship break is my fault. I have been abusive, verbally for years. I never truly realized how it was impacting my Wife. Now I fully realize that her attitude is a direct reflection of my bad behavior.

One thing I wanted to mention. UI recently quit caffeine. I say this because I had been drinking a lot, years in the service and all, and I stumbled across some info on caffeine borderline toxic syndrome. Some of the websites call it caffeinism, and I suffered most of the negative symptoms associated with it. I quit caffeine 9 days ago and the stress and anger and inability to stop myself from doing and saying things has almost completely gone.

It has been amazing and I feel like I have shaved about ten years off. I mention it, because I think there could be more than a couple of folks out there like me who have been grossly impacted by the amount of coffee they drink. We are not talking 50 cups a day here… Some people can be impacted by 2-4. I was drinking the equivalent of around 10-12 and that is literally poisonous. Anyway, I am rambling a bit. Just thought it might be something to consider.

Carl

Joel & Kathy

Our marriage was in a heap of trouble. (Leading up to our receiving a copy of "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" which was given to us by our Pastor)

My husband had become involved with a woman on the Internet that led to an affair in 2001. He also was viewing porn on the Internet.

I thought it had all ended and found in 2004 that the woman he had the affair with was still writing to him and was planning to move to our State.

Needless to say I was devastated.

However, because I took my marriage vows seriously, having made a commitment before God, and believing we marry for BETTER or for WORSE, I refused to get a divorce.

Instead I began praying that God would restore my marriage and that he would give me a marriage made in heaven.

I went to my Pastor and told her about it. She, and other members of the church began to pray in agreement that God would restore our marriage.

When I found he was in porn again, I confronted him and told him that God and Satan could not live in the same house. I would not divorce him, but I could not let him live under the same roof, if I wanted to receive blessings from God.

He said he wanted our marriage and needed my help to keep him accountable.

It was then that our Pastor gave us your book. (As she had just discovered it.)

I read it in a day and the next day my husband read it.

Today, God has definitely answered my prayer.

I truly have a wonderful husband.

Our communication is so much more than ever before, and for the first time in the 20 years we have been married, I feel my husband truly loves me.

I shared my book with so many and had so many more that wanted to read it, that I ordered 2 more. At the moment they are all out being read and I have more people wanting to read it.

My husband and I are truly blessed and pray that God will use our marriage as an example of what a commitment to a marriage really means.

Mary in Minnesota

Hi Joel and Kathy,

Good things are happening around here! My husband and I were both surprised at how difficult it has been for him to hear my heart.

There was much more hurt in there than my husband had anticipated. He kind of thought, " Oh, this will be a piece of cake".

My husband shares that he feels as though he has been born again. Everything in his Christianity is becoming new. Some day I hope he tells you about it. I want him to share with you. (Note from Joel: We often tell men that they have to "really" get born again.. that their born-again experience stopped at the outside of their front door! I felt like Becky''s husband.. that I had gotten totally born again - but it was not until 18 years after I asked Jesus into my heart!)

As for me, I keep asking him, "Is this real, do you mean it?"

Just last night as he was giving me a back message I began to tear up. I told him that his touch was bringing healing to my heart.

Also, it is a little difficult for me to realize that I was not wrong all these years. My desires for our marriage and for how to serve the Lord were not wrong. This brings so much hope to me and to my husband.

Some day, we will have a ministry. Praise God! Joel and Kathy, you are bearing good fruit with this ministry and message that the Lord has given to you to give.

God bless and love in Christ,

Becky (and Nathan)

P.S. That Pastor''s wives'' web site was so sad. http://www.rockdove.com/pwsupprt.html
I can''t even read it. My husband has been reading to see just how much damage that Christian men are doing to their wives and to learn the hurts that are in Christian women. He wants to understand to never hurt me again. (Note from Joel and Kathy: What a smart husband!)

Hi Kathy,

This was a great message and very nice to hear from you. (Referring to the newsletter: "It is my turn now" from Kathy)

I am so hoping that I too will get past the pain of remembering and truly move on.

My husband and I are both very hopeful. Things are looking good.

Every time I start to get all weepy or angry etc. we hang tight and go for the ride until it passes. This is something new for both my husband and myself.

In the past whenever I would go through emotional struggles my husband would take charge and talk me out of it, etc. He was thinking that was what he was supposed to do.

It is a new thing for the both of us to just allow me to vent and for my husband to simply validate my feelings and continue to love me through it.

Praise God, we are both learning and growing in this new teaching and understanding.

In Christ,

Becky (and Nathan)

Joke

Well, it''s not a midlife crisis, but here''s how things worked out for me.
After being married 25 years, one day I took a look at my wife and said, "Honey, do you realize 25 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I''m sleeping with a 50 year Old Woman.
It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

Now my wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....

I shut up and took out the trash. .




Dear Joel and Kathy,

You guys are an answer to our prayers.

MY husband is very loving and kind. In many, many ways he has been a great husband.

The main problem we were having and could not figure out the solution was that I would go into fits and sometimes rages over sexual issues.

The Lord has helped us understand (through your teaching) that my husband needs to bring emotional healing to me. I needed to be able to expose my whole heart to him, without his getting defensive or offended at what I had to say.

He needed to own the deep hurts that he put into me for many years. It was painful and scary for me to open up and trust that my husband could take it.

Well Joel, your words to men to stop being immature babies affected my husband.

Now he says, "I'm not a baby, don't treat me like one, tell me what you have to, I can take it". Praise God!

I have been able to tell my husband the ways he had hurt me in the past, things that I had felt he didn't understand how deeply I had been hurt.

Also, I have been able to express to him that I need his total devotion. I need to know that I am enough for him. (We have 12 children, I am 45 yrs.old, he is 40 yrs. old, we celebrated our 20th anniversary on May 31st.)

I am hoping that this will give me the healing and closure like you say it will. My husband says that of course it will. He truly wants to be this Godly man of God to me. I am blessed beyond measure. God is faithful.

We have added you both to our prayer list for protection and that the Lord will bless and multiply your ministry.

Much love in Christ,

Lori

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Here is my testimony:

A little more than six months ago, I started receiving
messages from Joel and Kathy Davisson, about their
books and marriage ministry... For a long time, I
paid no mind to the messages at all. But God had
those messages there for a reason.

I have been married for eight years, and struggled
through about seven and a half of those years in my
marriage. I finally got to the point where I didn''t
know what to do anymore -- I really felt like my
marriage was about to end, no matter what I did.

I saw another of Joel and Kathy''s messages, and
decided to "check it out..."

Their website is entitled simply
www.godsavemymarriage.com And I had no other
options. We have been to counseling, we have
"communicated" and fought and I have submitted.

I have tried everything I knew to do, and anything my
pastor''s wife or my pastor would advise me to do....
NOTHING was working. I decided that I didn''t have
much to lose; I might as well go to their seminar. If
this didn''t work either...

I can say that in the last two or three months, I
FINALLY have hope for my marriage. I finally can see
that God really did plan my marriage,and that HE will
keep us together. My husband is -- for the FIRST
time, truly participating in the healing and growth of
our marriage, and in changing the way we have been
living for the years we have been married.

Joel and Kathy''s book, and marriage seminars, were my
last ditch effort to find SOMETHING that would save my
marriage - and it is working!

Because we live near the Davisson''s and have been
attending their ongoing seminar for ten weeks in
Ormond Beach, Florida, we have spent many hours with
Joel and Kathy and their children. We have spent whole
days with them.

We have counseled on the phone and through the email
with them.

We have sat at their house, simply to observe their
behavior... they are very real people.

They share their problems from the past, so that
others may get healing from similar problems. Joel is
not sharing without Kathy''s consent, and Kathy is not
sharing without Joel''s. They are great people.

We are so glad we met them. Things are not perfect yet
in our marriage but they are better than they have
ever been before!

Mary(and Dan)

Hi Kathy and Joel,

Just wanted to pass along a "good" piece of news for a
change!

He finally did it last night -- WITHOUT MY REMINDER!!!
For about the last three weeks, I have been talking
to Dan about having that "talk" with at least the
oldest of our children -- the one where he "takes
ownership" of all this junk, and apologizes for being
such a poor example, and tells him it''s NOT all my
fault that we keep having so many problems and
fights....

Monday, it became a little more pressing to me, after
a conversation I had with John -- and realizing he
sees it just that way -- mommy yells at daddy so
much... Like I was ''the big bad mean wifey''.....
Hurts coming from your eleven year old-- who was there
BEFORE the husband!!

But last night, DAN told John to stay up after the
little ones were going to bed, and talked to him,
letting him know that it was DAN''S fault that we
have been living the way that we have. That he was
slacking in HIS responsibilities, and that is why I
was always upset with him... That it''s not my
fault... And even told him, "the next time you see
mommy yelling at me, look at me and think about what I
have done (or not done!) to make her f eel that way
AGAIN."

I was amazed!!! AND THEN, after John went to bed,
Dan asked me what I needed him to do -- and then HE
DID IT!... and then... we did our bible study
together, like we were supposed to.....

I am like, ready to fall over and die!!


FINALLY smiling,
: )

Mary

Instead of adding more testimonies to this page, we have started a marriage forum. Here is that information. Would you like to find a place online where you can get help and marriage mentoring on an ongoing basis - for free?
Would you like to be able to "look over the shoulder" and into the lives of other couples who are getting help for their marriages?
Check out Joel and Kathy's Marriage Forum at: www.JoelandKathy.com/boards/

Our marriage has continued to improve over the past 3 1/2 weeks. This is the longest things have gone without Paul creating some type of crisis. Up until this point his record was a week of good behavior. We believe that our miracle is finally here and that we are being restored. Paul assures me that at this point there is no turning back for him. Our children Brent (2) and Charity (5) were so happy today. There was pure joy on their faces as we spent the day together as a family. Paul and I were cuddling on the couch this morning and our daughter commented that "Daddy finally learned to be nice" with a big smile. Both of our children have been starting to thrive these past few weeks. Our son looks forward to his father coming home every night and has started looking forward to the times when we all play together as a family. This is something that we never really did before because Paul was always busy working, playing video games, or watching television. Our daughters teacher told us on Monday that Charity is finally coming out of her shell at school and that she is impressed with how confident she has become in such a short amount of time. The teacher had been very concerned less than 1 month ago at our parent teacher conference. The two times that we were separated we tried to explain the situation to her by saying that Daddy was living somewhere else "taking a time out and learning to be nice". So I guess that in her mind he has finally arrived.

We went to Paul's mothers house for Thanksgiving and they were also overjoyed that we seemed to be getting along so well. They really did not believe my reports of Paul finally getting on track until they saw it with their own eyes. They have never witnessed Paul be so helpful with the children or attentive to me before. Usually he would hide out with his step-dad and brothers while I chased the children around by myself. Today he played with them more than I did. When cheerleaders flashed on the screen during the football game, Paul turned away from the television and whispered to me that I was the only woman that he wanted to look at. His mother even thanked me for "hanging in there" and not giving up on him.

It is truly an act of God that our children are living in a peaceful intact home today. We know that the Lord led us to your books. He used your testimony and the testimony of others restored after taking hold of your new marriage paradigms to give us hope. We are praising God that your family has showed such strength and that you have continued to battle for marriages through this tough season of your lives. We fully expected you to cancel our intensive at the end of September and when you didn't that really spoke to us both. We would just like to say thank you that we were able to enjoy a wonderful holiday with our children today because of your strong faith, sacrifice, and willingness to live out the Christian life for real. This Thanksgiving together would not have been possible without us finding your ministry. We are truly blessed to have benefited from your wisdom, faith and perseverance and for that we are very, very thankful.

Kim and Paul

====================

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Since my last post things have been great. A few bumps here and there but we were able to get through it without dragging it out or causing more damage. It makes a world of difference now that my husband hears my heart and acknowledges the cause of my frustration and anger due to his past actions. Sometimes that old man tries to arise and I have to remind him to hear my heart and not defend himself or give me an excuse and he'll back down. Well we had a major breakthrough today after alot of attack back and forth. It seems that when he triggers something very hurtful and deep I get ugly, he feels the urge to correct me and tell me to calm down .

I've never been like this before because I manage to shove it all in. Anyway when I do my husband puts his guard up and trys to defend himself. Its not often he won't back down but today was one of those days. Throughout our marriage I was always the one managing our finances and like a wife usually does I always made sure everyone had what they needed and wanted before I would even consider myself which never gave me the opportunity to think of myself and when I did it was out of guilt because we always had needs. When ever my husband wanted something he would either just get it or ask me and no matter what I say "we have no money or there is a specific need we need to take care so we can't do it" he always managed to pressure me into agreeing to letting him get whatever he was wanting without any say so.

I didn't believe I had the power to say no anyway so I didn't. Well back to today. We got ourselves in a bind financially and I tell him he keeps spending no matter what I say and I refuse to be his mommy and continue to control his spending. I need him to think for himself in reguards to our finances he can't have what he wants all the time. We went back and forth, if I stop telling him about his spending that I was hurting the family I couldn't believe he threw it back on me.

It continued and finally he admits that he couldn't understand where we were at financially because it wasn't clicking. I know he has a problem with math but he never was honest with me and told me he needed me to break it down, help him understand. He truly cares about the family and making sure we stay debt free and have what we need. Now that I understand why he couldn't get it,

I was able to come up with a visual plan so he can see where we are financially everyday and if he still continued then he is in trouble but I believe with his sincerity that this plan will really help him and he will make serious changes and help me carry less of the burden of being the one over the finances. Having him by my side takes a huge load off my shoulders. We made it through this. It might not seem like a big deal to others but trust me it was rough for us.

If our husbands would kill their pride and communicate with their wives alot of pain and frustration would be avoided. It took him hearing my heart and enduring the ugliness that had to come out for my healing for us to get over this bump but thank God we did it, in one day

I can't imagine having to go thru this without the understanding and freedom I have now to be the help-meet God designed me to be for the rest of our marriage and endure more pain and frustration. No more, who the Son sets free is free indeed.
_________________
Celia of Celia and Tito

Read both books/ Intensive Alumni Jan 08
Moving towards recovery
Husband applying teachings
Being the husband I dreamed of!

====================

I'm going to be very transparent and share a breakthrough we had today. Lately there has been so much going on that ML seem to be few and far between and when we did ML my husbands needs always seemed to be met and not mine. Well for some thats no big deal and if I wanted to I could be satisfied with that for awhile. Well lately its been bothering me, I guess because my husband would start out making it about me and then turn it about him.

For those that have husbands working the program its hard to bring up stuff, I personally don't want to discourage my husband. Well my courage took over and I had to share my heart with my husband concerning this area. At first he was thinking and defending that as long as we ML then I would be happy. I had to explain to him that I have needs as well, if he wanted me to enjoy these times which I wasn't then he had to learn to meet my needs and in turn I will respond and his needs will be met in return.

Well today he purposely set out to do just that and praise God we are both satisfied and feel so refreshed. Its amazing the tension thats flys off when my husband hears my heart and meets my needs. I was scared to complain as it seemed but he can't read my mind and I can't stuff it down.

I'm speechless of how awesome God is, to give us the answers to have an OHM and see the fruits of His word in our marriage.

J&K are awesome, I couldn't imagine my life the way it is now with a husband that is truly commited to having an OHM if it wasn't for this ministry.

Psalm 34:8 (New International Version)
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
_________________
Celia of Celia and Tito

Read both books/ Intensive Alumni Jan 08
Moving towards recovery
Husband applying teachings
Being the husband I dreamed of!

==============

I have to say things have been good and challenging at the same time here.

I see alot of genuine change. Yet when there are those times that my wounds are triggered, I can still feel the deepness of the pain and anger that still spills over. I can't believe I had so much in me. I praise God, He step in before I got to the point of no return.

Its almost been a year now since my husband has not done any form of porn except one time a while back, yet I am still in awe and feel like I am dreaming.
Sometimes my heart can't believe it and goes haywire thinking my husband is playing me. But I can't go there. I have to pull myself out of it unless of course I have a legit reason to believe otherwise. I also know if he did try to go there, it would suck him in he wouldn't be able to hide it.

On another note, as I see the change in my kids I cannot deny the fruit of his changes in my kids. My son who is six used to close himself off and not care about anything going on around him but now he seeks to be in our presence and constantly invites us to play with him.

My husband is finding it hard to say no because of all the damaged he's caused, of course as his help-meet I am having to help him balance. Which is all good. But tiring. And my daughter now 8 is so sweet and freely talks about everything with no reserve, because she feels safe.

all in all there is so much good. But we have our moments, and I have to keep myself from running and throwing in the towel because I know and see my husband is changing and committed and that is worth it all.
_________________
Celia of Celia and Tito

Read both books/ Intensive Alumni Jan 08
Moving towards recovery
Husband applying teachings
Being the husband I dreamed of!

Click here to read 300 more testimonies from couples who have attended a Weekend Marriage Intensive:

300 Weekend Marriage Intensive Testimonies

This week - (WOW) - Eye opener!

I was so stuck in myself and my own ways, the ways my dad taught me and the ways his dad taught him.  We were just plain stupid (we believed a bunch of lies) when it came to marriage.

This week taught me what life is really about; it is about loving my wife and it is about family; to love and cherish, to work together and to be strong together before the Lord.

I recommend this intensive to every man and woman alive on planet earth, so that we can live in harmony with our spouses and our future spouses.

I've learned that she's my wife, my best friend and together we can take on this crazy world.

Thank you Joel and Kathy

Happy Wife, Happy Life!

Bez (of Bez and African Girl)

This weekend is a must for every married couple, even if they don't have problems! Learning about how your childhood can affect your marriage was an eye opener!

My husband and I thought we were beyond fixing and basically gave up. He went his way and I went mine.  After this weekend though, we can take on anything and everything.. excluding nothing!

I already see a change in both of us and we are very grateful for Joel and Kathy - They were our ray of hope and now a reality! I can finally look at my husband and say "I love you!"

This weekend has taught us to be a team again and I know if it worked for us, it will work for anyone!

Thank you so much Joel and Kathy. You guys are a blessing and miracle workers (through Jesus Christ, of course!)

African Girl (of African Girl and Bez)

Joel and Kathy,

The intensive weekend has been a life saver.   I've learned so much about what makes me tick, like the importance of being an initiator of love and kindness.  I learned how my behavior and lack of awareness was killing my marriage.  I know that I have to boost my sincerity, endurance and maturity in order to save my marriage and family.

I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE AN OUTRAGEOUSLY HAPPY MARRIAGE.

Thank you,

SpeedRacer      (of Speed Racer and Rehnieb)

Joel and Kathy,

The marriage intensive gave me a new way to look at seemingly immeasurable problems.

Because of the new awareness that we have received, many of the issues, actually ALL of the issues that seemed to permeate our daily lives now feel as if they cannow  disappear.  We simply lacked understanding.

 I now feel a sense of Hope and believe that if we continue to use what we have learned, we will have an Outrageously Happy Marriage.

Thank you, Rehnieb     (of Rehnieb and Speed Racer)

Dear Joel and Kathy,

During our Intensive, I learned that I don't have to carry the weight of my past.  We figured out my wife was miserable mainly because of my horrible attitude.  She wanted me to "smile," but I couldn't.  I felt obligated to "deal with the issues in my past."  I would stress over our future and refuse to relax and enjoy the present.  I felt overwhelmed with any new details or problems.  All she wanted was a "smile" and I could not make myself do it.

Fifteen minutes into our private session, Kathy gave me permission to let it all go.  I never saw it as an option.  Joel told me about the effects of Alzheimer's and  how people just forget things.  So, I just decided to forget.  Smiling is not hard. Forgetting and letting go was, but I CAN do this.

Thank you,

Forrest Gump (of Forrest Gump and Sunshine.  Note: Forrest Gump was formerly "Grimstone" on the forum)

Dear Joel and Kathy,

I was reluctant about coming. I wasn't sure if I even wanted this marriage to make it.  I couldn't stand the thought of spending another day with this man.  After the Intensive was mid-way thru, I began to have second thoughts- thinking that maybe, just maybe, my marriage could be saved.   I am still skeptical, but hopeful now.

The information and hope given to us are like the tools a mechanic needs to get a car running perfectly.  Now it is up to us to keep that car gassed-up and on the road to an Outrageously Happy Marriage.

Thank you, "Sunshine" (of Sunshine and Forrest Gump)

Eye opening!  I had no idea how upside down my thought process as. I looked at life and my marriage like the church has/had preached for years: "Wife submit to your husband.  Do as he says."  Boy, that was WRONG!

Joel and Kathy present a biblical based, eye opening, life changing course of truth to produce Outrageously Happy Marriages!!!

Men - grab hold of the truth! Meet your wife's needs. Heal your wife, heal yourself in the process and live life in an Outrageously Happy Marriage!

Husbands, die to yourself. Lay down your life. Rise to life!

Happy Wife, Happy Life!

Ron  (of Ron and Paula)

The intensive was a last resort to me and a final hope to wake up my husband on how he was destroying our marriage. My husband had left and was living out of our home for some time, (5 years)  fully abusing with no intentions of stopping. This weekend was for him a complete turn around for him and gave me back some power and tools to turn my marriage around.

Thank you Joel and Kathy! Without this past week, I know I would be divorced.. that is what I wanted.  I'm getting a glimmering hope of wanting to stay and make my marriage outrageously happy with the changes I've seen in my husband.

Paula, of Paula and Ron

 

 

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Not too long ago I had no hope for our marriage. I can honestly say that Terry and I had both come to the point of calling it quits. There were so many times that loneliness seemed to be the only way of life. I felt like everything I said was wrong.

We would argue sometimes for hours. Our fights always ended with bitterness and frustration. I would at times throw things in anger at him. I always felt like the fight was my fault. I could never understand why we just didn’t seem to like each other. Many times during our fights I would tell Terry that I wanted a divorce. That made things more hopeless.

It was after 12 years of marriage that Terry left our three beautiful children and me. I honestly thought that our relationship had ended.

Well I can say that miracles do take place! I never thought this miracle would happen this side of heaven.

I really do not know why it took us so long to finally find our place in this marriage. Instead of having a husband who hates me, I have a husband who is starting to understand me. Instead of having a husband who gets offended at nearly everything I say, I have a husband who actually listens and reassures me when I am upset.

Your book told Terry that if he actually listened to me and stopped getting offended that I would not react the way I have in the past and a lot of my problems would go away. This could not have been a more truthful insight.

It was just today that I was feeling insecure about something. Terry came to me and told me that everything was going to be ok and he held me until I felt better. There was a day when he would have told me how wrong I was for feeling that way. Things would have elevated to a fight. Terry now understands that it is my heartfelt need to be heard and understood. It is not a need for him to fix me. In the past Terry would have felt threatened and taken it personally; now it is not that way.

It is this kind of love coming from him that makes me feel like I can handle life. It is this kind of love that helps me to be the kind of person that my husband needs me to be.

Joel and Kathy, I just want to thank you for what your book has done for our marriage. It is like I have a new husband who really cares for me and says nice things to me. Terry has taken his place as the head of our household. He is truly becoming the man of my dreams! Now I have the love that I always needed, to be the women I always knew that I could be..."The Woman of His Dreams!" We're walking in a miracle!

Forever grateful,
Christine Robinson Tulsa, Oklahoma

Joel and Kathy™ (386) 206-3128 (386) 334-7873 244 Pine Grove Drive Palm Coast, FL 32164 Kathy@joelandkathy.com

Rush Order Now!

Joel and Kathy,

We met at the NCCA meeting in Orlando.
I want you to know your book is changing lives!

My husband has changed his attitude and is treating me
like I'm his bride. We've been married 15 years. I
hooked him on the book by reading him chapter 20
first! hee hee hee!

One of my brothers is reading it and can't put it
down; (20 years of marriage) his wife says he is
making changes and is even getting up in the middle of
the night to read it. He is going to buy one of your
books and give it to my other brother for his
birthday.

Get this, my mother has left my father after 46 years
of marriage! She said that after reading your book a
couple of times that she realized she was not to blame
for the problems in the marriage. She really grasped
every word that was written. It helped her toughen up
and take a stand against the emotional and Spriritual
abuse of my father; he is an assistant Pastor of a
non-denominational church. He says one thing in the
pulpit and another thing at home. I am so proud of my
mother for taking a stand. Right now she is staying
in a motel and her and my father are talking things
through.

This is all good! Praise God for your story.

I will be in touch to buy more books! God is good!

Allyssa Monroe

Here is part two of this testimony!

Joel and Kathy,

You are not going to believe this! My mom stayed in the motel for one week. Dad read the book during that week and God took the scales off his eyes; he is a changed man and is willing to testify to this fact in front of the whole church and also his children.

They are going to renew their vows Feb. 13th, reception and all. Dad went out and bought mom awhole set of rings and a wedding dress! This is too awesome!

Their church has requested to buy some of the books from me. I am encouraging them to order their own because I've had no problem getting rid of them!

What an awesome God we serve!
Allyssa Monroe

Here is part three of this testimony!

Dear Joel and Kathy,

I work for a secular organization and one of the therapists has ordered four from me! He says he is going to give them to his daughters. I am so excited!

What I plan to do is make the books available to our church near Valentines Day. I know I will get a great response from our congregation.

I'll be in touch,
Allyssa Monroe

Here is part four of this testimony!

ONE MONTH LATER…

My folks are doing great! Mom said dad is like a little kid in a candy store…

God Bless,
Allyssa Monroe, Alabama (About February 7th, 2005)

Here is part five of this testimony!

ONE WEEK AFTER THE CEREMONY…

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Mom and dad had a beautiful ceremony, Unity candle and all. They also took communion, just the two of them! All five of us children were in it, too; we lit our candles to represent our birth order, and our family unit. There were a couple of songs sung, and then the pastor told the congregation that in all 30 years of preaching, he had never seen a transformation like my father has made!

Dad told the congregation that he will never raise his voice in anger to mom ever again. He said he had the knowledge of the Bride of Christ in his head all these years but didn’t have it in his heart. Once it made it to his heart, he understood how he was supposed to treat my mom. There were two wedding cakes, bride and groom’s cake, gifts and a honeymoon, too. Because my husband works at a resort, we were able to get them a two-bedroom condo for one night (with a fireplace). All of us kids pitched in and gave them money to pay for their room and going out to eat.

After they had checked into their room and went out to eat, my husband and I drove to the resort and had the front desk take to their room a food basket with all kinds of goodies that I had put together: chocolates, cheese, grapes, sausages, and a candle.

They are on cloud nine! Praise God! I went ahead and gave my other two brothers each a book for Valentine’s Day. Now my sister and all my brothers have your book. I can't keep them! My mom cleans my house and was here yesterday and took two, one to give to a woman at her church and one to give to her biological sister. They are going like hot cakes around here! I'll be ordering more when their testimony is in your next edition. You guys have no idea how many lives you have touched.

God Bless,
Allyssa Monroe
(Received the week following the February 13th ceremony)

This entire miracle began at the beginning of January, with the simple discovery of this life changing book.

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Thanks for your very supportive comments on the TCW message board! It's great to "meet" you, especially since our ministry goals are so similar. I like the clarity of the statement about marriage being taught "upside down", it's easy (for wives) to grasp, and see in their own lives. I agree with all your comments, and also counsel women to begin speaking clearly and directly. They are filled with shame, and it is so sad.

The Myth targets Christian women and challenges them about "myths" they have fallen into about submission and dying to self. I'm very glad to learn of your book and I know it will be a very valuable resource to me and to others I'll share it with. I've not known of a book clearly stating the "backwardness" of marriage teachings in the church, and your testimony is so powerful and courageous. I can whole heartedly stand behind it.

I am grateful for any opportunities to promote one another's books, and will start spreading the word in my counseling network. I looked on your web site, and it was great fun to find a testimonial from Gary Lange -- he was my internship supervisor about twelve years ago, and a super guy.

Many blessings,
Brenda Waggoner
Author: The Myth of The Submissive Christian Woman, Tyndale House

Dear Joel and Kathy,

We were blessed to met you in Houston Texas at the Charles & Frances Hunter's Healing Explosion. I was given a wonderful opportunity to sing in the Friday morning session. My husband and I had CD's on Joan Hunters Table not far from where your table was.
Yes, my husband and I have read the book. We bought several and sowed them into others lives in and out of our ministry here in Shreveport. It truly is the secret to having the most successful marriage anyone ever imagined. Most powerful!

When I read the book I was amazed at how it seemed to reach inside of me and began to change me as I read. I read certain chapters twice and will read all of it again.

My husband, Pastor Alexander, promoted the book by lighting a flame into the hearts and minds of couples simply by telling everyone the TRUTH about the book. He said, "This book will ultimately change the way you see yourself first, then each other and your marriage will never be the same after you read it" We came back excited and ready to start passing them out. My marriage, my life will never be the same.

God bless you for obeying the voice of the Lord and sowing much time and effort into writing such a life-changing book.


Vernell Alexander
Rivers of Life Christian Ministries

Dear Joel and Kathy,

As I read your book, I couldn't believe how your gut-level honest descriptions of yourself as a husband so matched my husband's; who by the way was also a minister and left his wife and kids after 30 years of marriage. And yes, he is still operating in ministry behind the veil of many lies to hold on to his reputation. Sadly he is not the only minister who has done this with the blessing of the church.

After being confronted with very destructive and worsening behaviors, I became the angry, rebellious wife and he had his no-choice-in-the-matter excuses to leave. I spent those 30 years praying more and trying harder to "be the submissive wife my husband needed". I "kept quiet" believing the success of our marriage was up to me. If my husband was not a "good man", then behind him must not be a "good woman". Thinking I was "dying to self", I abandoned myself to everything I was taught a Christian wife should be, and everything he wanted. Sounds like a "Stepford Wife" to me.

No one knows he was threatening me with money and setting me up to say and do certain things in front of our kids so he could point a finger saying, "see". Being abandoned after thirty years with no education or work experience, I was forced to file for divorce to protect myself and kids financially, which set me up for scorn and basically proved him right; I was the angry, bitter woman filing without "grounds", as he had not had an affair. The truth is, I as most divorced women would have done anything to save my marriage.

You are the first to break the chains off women in this whole submission issue. In reality, submission is only the church's way of keeping women in a place of having no recourse to hold their husbands accountable except to pray. You lay out through scripture how the church has taken a very few, lone scriptures and turned them into doctrine; and how Paul's intent when he spoke of marriage was quite the opposite of what has been taught. Marriage has been painted by the church by a very convenient-for-men brush. Thank you for being a forerunner in the quest for turning marriage right side up. I am already telling everyone I know about it because telling couples "divorce is not an option" and "God hates divorce" is doing nothing; in fact, divorce rates are now higher for Christians than the world. Turning marriage right side up is the only thing that will save marriages.

Thanks you and bless you!!
Lucille Richards

Hi Joel and Kathy,

I contacted you a while back after reading an excerpt from your book and ordered one. I am telling everyone about it and am sure I will be ordering more.

I just finished your book, which I would have finished in a couple of days if not for my job, writing schedule and "required" reading. You are the only ones bold enough to reveal how "upside down" the body is with understanding marriage and God's intention for husbands to reflect Jesus in the same sacrificial way. That is the part I'm going to mention in my article on divorce in the church.

The other part that blew me away was where Kathy described the controller and how they demand instant forgiveness and refuse closure for the offended party. People think the words "I'm sorry" are enough. But as Kathy states, sometimes it takes a long time to prove intentions are pure and to rebuild trust. I love the way she described the faith believer claiming to be the righteousness of God to avoid facing guilt. That is the ultimate of spiritual abuse. How do you combat that without looking like the bad guy standing in judgment?

I also think it was so brilliant showing how this is all such a trespass against the blood that Jesus shed for His bride. That pretty much says it all.

It all so confirms everything the Lord showed me after my husband left. When I tried to share these revelations, it mostly produced blank stares and that, "jezebel" cautioned look. He took me to Hosea where God told him to take Gomer back but with conditions, you will have to "prove yourself", not going after other gods; which in marriage is putting anything before your mate; "then we can resume marital relations". That's from the amplified. He also showed me in Mal. 2 where it says, "I hate divorce" that the entire chapter is chastising men for how they treat their wives.

Anyway, there's another book I think would be very interesting for you. It's very scholarly but so well explains all issues concerning women in the church. It is "Men and Women in the Church" by Sarah Sumner, phd. You may have already read it but "10 Lies the Church Tells Women" by Lee Grady is another fabulous book on the subject.
You all are a GIFT to the body. Thank you for writing your book.

Blessings,
Lucille Richards

Dear Joel and Kathy,

I pray that your ministry is doing excellent and that your book sellsmillions and millions over.

I wanted to personally take the time to say, that I think that you andyour wife are two of the most awesome people in Christ that I have ever met.

Just by watching you at the conference I learned so much from you, thank you so much!

When I got home and went over the video that was shot the night that I ministered, I saw you assisting me as I prayed for the people, you are incredible.

To watch you on camera and see the grace of God in you as you moved in and around the alter was just glorious.

You and your wife are a true blessing to the body of Christ from our Father in heaven.

Please, be encouraged. You are as a pair of roses which the Master has placed in the mist of His people.

May God continually bless you in every way,

Apostle/Pastor Vince and Vanessa Johnson
http://www.vincejohnson.org

Pastor Bill,

Here is Joel and Kathy's website: The Man Of Her Dreams The Woman Of His! by Joel And Kathy Davisson.

I FULLY support and endorse their ministry ... There are too many marriages ... YES even "Christian" Marriage going "down the tubes"! For the past Forty Five years whatever "marriage counseling" was offered DID NOT WORK!! (I am living proof!) .... Joel and Kathy have a new "oblique" on the dilemma! They are saving hundreds ... maybe even thousands of marriages across the country!

Whatever was "tried" in the past .... did not work. It's time for unity .... the churches to come together and tackle this problem "head on". Joel and Kathy are "just" a couple that is living the perfect marriage ... and is sharing their success .... they were on the verge of Divorce after an adulterous affair! Today, they act like two teenagers in love!

The "Church" NEEDS to hear their message! I wish I heard it 13 years ago! It could have averted my first divorce. I wish I heard it 6 years ago ... it could have averted my second divorce!

Blessings,
John

Joel and Kathy™ (386) 206-3128 (386) 334-7873 244 Pine Grove Drive Palm Coast, FL 32164 Kathy@joelandkathy.com

Rush Order Now!

Dear Kathy,

Thank you so much for taking my call. You spoke directly to my heart within the first several minutes. Although I still have a long way to go in my marriage, I already feel a great hope and a great relief. If I hadn't been crying for so long, I could have finished reading the book before I called you! I thank God for answering my 10 year long prayer in such a way that is so true and so powerful.

How can I thank you enough Kathy for putting this wonderful book together. I always trusted God that our pain and suffering would not go in vain. Yours didn't go in vain. In the darkest hours, Kathy you never knew who was out there awaiting your help.

You had no idea that there were so many like me who were out here, desperately awaiting for a message to be delivered. This message to me is as important as the one God gave to Moses. Who knows.. the man God gave you might be one who leads millions out of Egypt! Dare to dream big for God

Kathy and Joel. You are my super heroes. God has given you that power through suffering and tears. Now it is my time to accept abundant blessings from God through you.

I look forward to talking to you. Since you are coming to Ohio in June, I'll pray that we will have a chance to meet you.

Frances Teng

Hi Joel and Kathy,

God is showing me how to make the office more professional and work together as a team so we present ourselves as such. It is unfolding.....Praise God.Much growth and happiness occurring.

Intimacy is sacred and must be protected as a ring of fire, by the blood of Jesus. No one should be there but husband and wife ( not even mom) Intimacy is also intimacy of speech, touch, looks, etc......not just sex.

We all need to relearn new dialog to relate loving as many of us had bad role models...us coming from Latin families who fought every night. R's dad dropped dead at 62 after a fight with Mum.

Gave your book to Joyce Meyer as I had the honor to meet her personally here in Phoenix. I'll send you a copy of the letter we got back. Thanks for all your help

Love ,

Theresa Zuluaga

Questions that a husband can ask his wife
to bring healing and growth:

Husbands, if you find that you and your wife are not talking regularly, try these questions. Remember, your job is to listen. When you ask these questions, you may end up getting hours of valuable input on what makes your wife tick, why she has been hurt, and what she needs from you to bring healing to her heart. If your goal is a happy marriage, ask your wife these questions.

Preface the questions with this assurance.. and be SINCERE!

"I want to ask you a question and I just want you to help me. I really want to understand life through your eyes. So, I won''t tell you that you are wrong or defend myself.. I just want to listen and really hear what you are saying."

How did you feel in our first year when things began going south in our marriage?

How did you feel when it seemed like I was not interested in our relationship.

How did it make you feel when I used to take second looks in passing and when I would flirt with women casually.

In what ways did I change after we got married that was really unfair to you and made you feel angry, frustrated or hopeless?

B. What promises did I make to you by action or by word when we were dating that went by the wayside after we got married?

1. Which of these are most important to you? Answer: all of them!

How does it make you feel when I yell at the kids or jump to conclusions? Angry? Powerless? Does it make you feel like you want to jump to defend them?

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Here is my testimony:

A little more than six months ago, I started receiving messages from Joel and Kathy Davisson, about their books and marriage ministry... For a long time, I paid no mind to the messages at all. But God had those messages there for a reason.

I have been married for eight years, and struggled through about seven and a half of those years in my marriage. I finally got to the point where I didn''t know what to do anymore -- I really felt like my marriage was about to end, no matter what I did.

I saw another of Joel and Kathy''s messages, and decided to "check it out..."

Their website is entitled simply www.godsavemymarriage.com And I had no other options. We have been to counseling, we have "communicated" and fought and I have submitted.

I have tried everything I knew to do, and anything my pastor''s wife or my pastor would advise me to do.... NOTHING was working. I decided that I didn''t have much to lose; I might as well go to their seminar. If this didn''t work either...

I can say that in the last two or three months, I FINALLY have hope for my marriage. I finally can see that God really did plan my marriage,and that HE will keep us together. My husband is -- for the FIRST time, truly participating in the healing and growth of our marriage, and in changing the way we have been living for the years we have been married.

Joel and Kathy''s book, and marriage seminars, were my last ditch effort to find SOMETHING that would save my marriage - and it is working!

Because we live near the Davisson''s and have been attending their ongoing seminar for ten weeks in Ormond Beach, Florida, we have spent many hours with Joel and Kathy and their children. We have spent whole days with them.

We have counseled on the phone and through the email with them.

We have sat at their house, simply to observe their behavior... they are very real people.

They share their problems from the past, so that others may get healing from similar problems. Joel is not sharing without Kathy''s consent, and Kathy is not sharing without Joel''s. They are great people.

We are so glad we met them. Things are not perfect yet in our marriage but they are better than they have ever been before!

Lorna (and Chris) Hogan
Florida

Hi Kathy and Joel,

Just wanted to pass along a "good" piece of news for a
change!

He finally did it last night -- WITHOUT MY REMINDER!!!
For about the last three weeks, I have been talking
to Chris about having that "talk" with at least the
oldest of our children -- the one where he "takes
ownership" of all this junk, and apologizes for being
such a poor example, and tells him it''s NOT all my
fault that we keep having so many problems and
fights....

Monday, it became a little more pressing to me, after
a conversation I had with John -- and realizing he
sees it just that way -- mommy yells at daddy so
much... Like I was ''the big bad mean wifey''.....
Hurts coming from your eleven year old-- who was there
BEFORE the husband!!

But last night, Chris told John to stay up after the
little ones were going to bed, and talked to him,
letting him know that it was Chris's fault that we
have been living the way that we have. That he was
slacking in HIS responsibilities, and that is why I
was always upset with him... That it''s not my
fault... And even told him, "the next time you see
mommy yelling at me, look at me and think about what I
have done (or not done!) to make her f eel that way
AGAIN."

I was amazed!!! AND THEN, after John went to bed,
Dan asked me what I needed him to do -- and then HE
DID IT!... and then... we did our bible study
together, like we were supposed to.....

I am like, ready to fall over and die!!


FINALLY smiling,
: )

Lorna
---------------------------------

 

Dear Joel & Kathy
,
This is just a quick note of sincere thanks and gratitude for allowing Susan & I to be a part of your marriage intensive weekend. What a wonderful way to bring in the New Year.

We both felt the hand of God was in the entire weekend.

As you know, I have read your books and feel that you are “right on the money” about the common misconceptions most men have (especially in the Christian Church) regarding what the Bible says about the marriage relationship.

The weekend with you and Kathy and the other couples brought me to an even further understanding of the importance men play as the “source of life” (or death) for a marriage.

It’s a major responsibility we men have to make sure that our wives and families are able to draw positive and nurturing love and kindness from us.

The only way for me to truly be the husband that my wife needs me to be is to die to myself, and my innate selfishness as Christ died for all of mankind. What an awesome truth from the word of God.

I’m excited to see Susan blossom once again as the beautiful self-confident woman she once was, the woman that I fell in love with and married 28 years ago. Already the change in her is obvious.

We will continue to work through our past issues that I have caused, and continue to see God’s hands work to bring full restoration to our marriage.

Blessings to both of you...

Randy

=============================== www.godsavemymarriage.com

Here is another letter from the intensive.. from Susan!

"Thank-You Joel and Kathy for a life changing weekend.

When I first read your book last year, it was like nothing I had ever read before. It was what I knew all my life was truth. That truth was in my heart, planted by my savior.

Thank you for presenting the truth in a way that couples in crisis can understand and apply in a very real way. I know we will make it, correct past mistakes - and have opportunity to share this message.

Most of all, thank you for your love and obedience to God."

Susan
-------------------------------------------

 

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Through your books, I have learned a different way of living! I have not been in control of my life.

Instead, I was trying to control my wife and family because I had been taught that I, the man, was supposed to be in CHARGE! I was supposed to be the BOSS!

This is going to be difficult, dying to myself and laying my life down for my wife but I am going to do it - and I know that my life is going to change dramatically.

I am so thankful that God has brought these two incredible people who are so very happy with each other, into my life. They were brought into my life to inform me about the correct way of living.. that is, how to live for my wife so that she can live for me!

Thank you, Joel and Kathy, for everything.

Jim

-------------------------------------------

www.godsavemymarriage.com

This letter is from Jim's wife, Jeanine:

"This intensive marriage weekend has been a ray of hope for me. I have been crying out to the Lord for almost two years.

This is my third marriage. I love Jim and I did not want to give up - but I couldn't handle the daily abuse. Jim had been out of the house for two months and was rejecting reading your book.

I was at the end of my rope when I heard about the Intensive. We needed a miracle NOW! Not in six months or a year. This weekend has confirmed everything that I have felt for years since my first marriage.

I am full of hope that Jim will be able to embrace and live all of this so that we can experience the healing that this teaching offers.

I want him to be successful, not only so that he can become the man, husband and father that God created him to be, but also so that I can become the woman, wife and mother that I have always known God created me to be.

I love you both dearly and hope to bring life, health and healing to other couples in the future.

Jeanine

Instead of adding more testimonies to this page, we have started a marriage forum. Here is that information. Would you like to find a place online where you can get help and marriage mentoring on an ongoing basis - for free?
Would you like to be able to "look over the shoulder" and into the lives of other couples who are getting help for their marriages?
Check out Joel and Kathy's Marriage Forum at: www.JoelandKathy.com/boards/

 

The change in my husband is so profound I can hardly take it all in. Never in my life would I have believed this would happen.

No fighting, no division, no arguing and no strife. Never has reconciliation been so peaceful. It feels like falling in love all over again.

I yell and vent, tell him how he hurt me and not ONE sound. He listens to my heart and continues to take full responsibility.

I say some very truthful insights about him in conversations and his demeanor and attitude are consistently one of humility and acknowledgment of his character flaws and how un-Christlike he has been.

If he even thinks he may have done the smallest infraction he is quick to back track and start over to correct himself. He catches himself BEFORE I even need to mention anything.

This is a miracle. I can see and feel with my spirit God pouring grace and humility all over him. He has never been so kind and affectionate all our married lives. It is something to behold. I feel more connected to my husband in 6 weeks than in 22 years.

He took my oldest son out and talked with him. He told him he took full blame for leaving and that he understood that it would take him time to trust him or love him. He would be there for him if he needed to pour out his rage or anger and that he knew he failed as a husband and father.

He told him he deserved everything and anything our son threw at him. He told him he was sorry for abandoning him and actually wept in front of him. He told him he would not speak into his life until our son felt safe with him and that he earned back a ton of respect.

He owned all of it. He admitted every detail of his wrong and hoped one day they could have a relationship again after he proved and made up to his wife and children the damage he did and the ruin he brought his family to.

My other son would not converse with him at all. He did start to be a bit more at ease with him by Thanksgiving evening. This child will take more time.

On top of that he has already sent one woman to me whose husband left her and he is wanting to reconcile and invited another one of his friends to talk to me about getting his wife back.

He is ministering to this guy about how to lay his life down for his wife and taking responsibility for wounding her which pushed her to find another man. Can you believe this???

He is actually in the process of moving back in with me this weekend. The circumstances and burden I am under was becoming too much for me.

We talked to the counselor and he agreed it is my H's responsibility to lift off of me the burden I have carried alone far too long. This move for him is very hard and in some ways demeaning but he laughed and said he would rather live at his mother-in-laws with me than anywhere else without me.

He told me, "Baby I'm a prisoner of your love." For him to do this for me is a true, authentic sign of change. That is the one thing he said he would never do and here he is stepping up with my family. This is no easy choice for either one of us. The demands of care giving are exhausting.

I do not even recognize the man he is becoming. Like Paul on the road to Damascus he has turned around and it is real. His growth in understanding and applying these principles is amazing. I stand here and watch God just throw so many things at him like rapid fire and he is still not looking for the exit.

I am in awe of God and my husband. He is the man I dreamed he could be in the loving hands of God. I am blessed and grateful beyond expression for God's kindness toward me. An OHM is in progress and is possible.

Love you all,
Kimberly

==------------------------------

Hi all,

I just wanted to update with a praise. It's been almost 10 months since we started on our journey with J&K. Mike used to be severely emotionally and verbally abusive to me. He would blow up disproportionately to what the situation called for on a regular basis. He would hurl insults at me. He would blame me for his anger, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy. His view of life was miserable and he was bound and determined that it couldn't be changed. I got debilitating headaches constantly because of it. My sinuses were constantly blocked up because I would cry nearly every day.

But I have a man who is changing. Through your ministry, and Life Skills, he really is becoming a new man. We've had ups and downs along the way for sure. He had a major backslide about 6 weeks after the Intensive, but Joel and everyone else brought him back around. He still has a few "old man" days here and there every 2-3 weeks. This really is a miracle since a year ago he lived life every day with a foul attitude and venemous tongue. He wasn't safe at all. I could make the most seemingly insignificant remark and it would send him into a tailspin, resulting in my being abused.

Now he's able to pull himself together during an argument and apologize immediately. He knows he needs to get to the point where he doesn't escalate in the first place, but he said he's not going to stop renewing his mind until he's 100% changed.

I'm finally feeling free to just be me around him- to make jokes, quirky observations, but also to speak my mind without worrying about whether he's going to flip out. I was so guarded before. I'm on the path to "rest" as Annalisa would put it.

I know now that God chose me to be the perfect helpmeet for him. I am emboldened to stick to my guns when something doesn't feel right or when I'm disappointed, angry, or upset with him. Before I was a doormat, always forgiving with no specific terms or expectations, thinking that was unconditional love.

Thank you again Joel and Kathy for your message. I pray God takes it to the hearts and minds of the whole body of Christ.

Marie

===================

This was a quote on Pure In Heart's Thread. I have to ditto everything she just said. I have a new man! and I, too , am at awe.

I remember Kathy telling us at the Intensive, a year ago, that I will have the pleasure of falling in love all over again. I thought about that alot, over the past few months, and would say, "HA, it AINT happenin" and then I'd cry to God and ask him why.......... when all along, all I really needed to do is to trust him. HE knew what he was doing. HE was not only working on Rick/Bob/Bruce. He was working on Me. He was building my faith up, all for his Glory. He needed me to be stronger. He needed me to trust in him, and to grow in my faith.

God knew that I was finally ready, and so he brought the two of us back together again. We are both renewed, rewired, reborn again...... We are two different people. I am happier than I have been in such a long time, and that in itself is pleasing to Bruce, too. He loves to see me happy. He loves to do things for me.

And, even our earlier, frustrating, issues ( in the bedroom ) are getting better. I am feeling loved. He is meeting my emotional needs. He is loving me like I have always wanted to be loved.

I feel so blessed. God is so awesome! Joel and Kathy are saving Marriages all around the World, and we are an example of what can be done! Praise the Lord!

God Bless,
Kay

=============================

Dear Joel and Kathy,

We'll be married 30 years on December 18. Unfortunately 27 of those years were spent in endurance mode with a contstant evil-for-evil relationship. Our daughter - Unreasonably Happy Wife - shares how it was so difficult that she was eager to leave home.

Three years ago we were introduced to Caring for the Heart Ministries by John Regier, we attended a seminar, received counseling in prayer giving Jesus all the bitterness, pain, moral failure, spiritual and emotional issues etc. and started the journey of marriage God's way. Things changed overnight, our children, our parents and our church noticed right away.

A year ago we found J&K's books and they contained the last of the puzzle pieces - the next step in how to be exceptionally happy - they put the icing on the cake so to speak.

Along with our daughter and son-in-law we started the ministry of Connecting Relationships giving workshops to share with couples that they can be connected and God has a plan, it's found in connecting with Him and confessing any sin in your life, caring for your spouse's heart and applying Eph 5:25 every day.

J&K have been incredibly supportive of us and our ministry always willing to answer questions, Joel talked to our son when we were "too close" to help, and they even let us host their conference call on November 1.

This message has changed three marriages that are very important to us - ours, our daughter and son-in-law (Unreasonably Happy Testimony) and our son and daughter-in-law (their testimony is in a past J&K newsletter). J&K's books and resources change lives when you apply the Biblical teachings of Eph 5!
_________________
~Judy~ Happy wife to Tom who lives Eph 5:25 daily! Blessed mom of 4 grandma of 2
Married 30 years-exceptionally happy since 2004
We offer Marriage Mentoring & workshops (100% J&K's way)~

=================

We want to thank you for the blessing your books have been to our marriage.  Your inspired message about how the husband is to love the bride as Christ loves us has impacted Ed dramatically.  

Since reading you books he has been applying the principles and I feel like I have a new husband.  

We realize now that we have already received our miracle!   We are now on our way to a second honeymoon so we can have a special time of "Livin' it and Lovin' it!"   

Thank you for taking the time to put into the words the message that God clearly gave you and is so needed in hurting marriages. 

========================

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I am doing a lot better!  Am on your second book, called in more to the calls lately and even tonight my wife listened in on the call for her second time.

God is doing such a work in my heart through the Truth that He is speaking to me throughout the books you have written. I am really growing up! Your books are such a miracle from the Lord! They have spoken to me like nothing else ever has, and have gotten to the root of things and helped me to see the need to grow up and stop getting defensive when she shares her feelings.

I have stopped dumping my feelings on her or talking about my feelings when she starts to share hers. I have stopped being so much all about ME and shifted my focus to her.

I have truly been able to see my wife as my marriage manual-this has changed everything! Whoever was running the couples call tonight we heard was who took a call from me a few weeks ago super late and he and his wife really poured into me a lot and helped me see that I needed to see her as a gift from the Lord to help me grow up and she will tell me how to change for the better.

Anyways, got to get off here as my wife could give labor this weekend with our first! I am so thankful for you guys and your ministry. Our friends Don and Cheryl Perez are at your intensive in California right now-it was a miracle they made it there and we are praying Don really Gets it!

There is another man who was my mentor and his wife left him who I gave your books to-he mailed them back to me! He said he heard they were not biblical. I think it must just be a hard heart huh for people to say that because I don't see anything unbiblical in them-please pray for them-Jason and Susan.

Blessings!

Palmer

P.s. My friends Cory and chortle Pelkey from Eugene Oregon told me about you guys

Click here to read 300 more testimonies from couples who have attended a Weekend Marriage Intensive:

300 Weekend Marriage Intensive Testimonies

God is so good!

The Lord is working in our marriage daily. The principles are being applied and we are seeing a difference in our son as well.

I know I have not attained to the fullness God has intended, but it is a wonderful experience getting there. I am finding I have to die daily to the old man, and stop trying to resurrect him. But God is faithful.

Just a brief testimony. Several days ago I was trying to “lovingly instruct” our son Caleb about forgiving and asking for forgiveness. I kept hounding him about it, he got angry and said he was not going to apologize. Well he stormed out of the room. Shortly thereafter, Mary said that I should apologize to Caleb. I IMMEDIATELY took offense and said “I will not apologize, and you cannot make me.” Talk about juvenile. She said “You are acting just like our 8yr old son.” Hit the nail on the head. I then started to walk out of the room, but the Holy Spirit convicted me and said “You WILL apologize to Caleb AND Mary.” So, I walked in obedience, died to self and reconciled. What a difference that made.

You know, I so want to be dead to myself. I really and truly desire to meet my wife’s needs and be the man she desires. And you know what? That is happening. God is so awesome, our marriage is on the right track and I am so very much in love with my wife.

I thank the Lord for you both and pray that His blessings will be poured out in full measure upon you and your household.

In Christ.
Jim.

PS: I have read the book and loved it. Chapter #20. GREAT!! Another brother in Christ is where I have been and his marriage needs rescuing. I loaned him the book and am getting him the CD’s as well. Pray for Mark and Kelly Crigler.

James A. Stillwagon II
Battalion Chief/Department Chaplain
Charlotte County Fire/EMS

Dear Joel and Kathy,

There are still those times I get frustrated, angry and upset. And it's over little, nothing things. I LET things bother me, I LET myself get this way, and yet my wife and son suffer. What a jerk I can be. Recently, Mary was going to leave me and take Caleb. I was stunned, and devastated but NOT SURPRISED. I knew it was me and nobody else. Well, she came back later that morning and we reconciled. Then just two days ago I was in one of my "POOR ME MOODS" where I clam up, pace around, making everyone miserable and all over a stupid, insignificant matter.

The ending to all of this is that I know I am in need of a life transformation. I know, beyond any doubt that I am blessed with such a wonderful wife as Mary. I KNOW that we need to pray together, everyday ( But I have not taken the lead in
this). I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, BUT I DO NOT DO IT. I KNOW it is the OLD MAN, and I KNOW HE NEEDS TO DIE, DAILY. I begin to make progress and then I fall back again.

It truly needs to be a matter of being dead. So, RIGHT-NOW, THIS MOMENT I CHOOSE to die to myself, and LIVE. You know something, I could probably be a poster boy for a book. Actually, I already am. The one you've written. Gods Grace IS SUFFICIENT. Like I already said, Mary is the best wife in the world. My marriage is not where it needs to be, but I truly believe it can be.

In Christ.
James A. Stillwagon II

Dear Joel and Kathy.

Mary and I both are divorced. Her first husband was a Firefighter that had an affair, and my wife had boyfriends. I have a daughter from my first wife but Mary had no children from her first husband. We have been married for 13 years and have had more troubles than I imagined. I know that I have been the problem. I do not want to manipulate this and sound like “poor little me”, because I know that is far from the truth. I have been so involved with my job for the last 21 years, being in control/command, having to make instantaneous decisions, giving orders and so on, that I have neglected my family. Oh we go to fun places together, take vacations up north, do activities around the house etc.. But I can change quicker than the Florida weather. That is not right. I know what needs to happen, and I have a hard time waiting for it.

Also, I am the Chaplain for the Fire Department, and have been for the last 7+ years. I THOUGHT the Lord had called me to this ministry, but I have been struggling with that for the last 5 years. I also would like to finish out my career as the full time Chaplain of the FD, but that would mean going from a 24 hr on & 48hr off schedule to Mon-Fri 8-5. I just want to do what the Lord wants. That’s all. There are things that I see could be done as an outreach to the Firefighters and their families, but it seems as though Mary and I cannot come to agreement on this. You know what it is? She has been asking me to pray with her on a consistent basis about the areas of concern and I have not been meeting that need. I KNOW that WHEN I DO THIS then the questions WILL BE answered.

Instead of talking, I need to put it into practice. I know HE has called me to be the Chaplain of our department and I also KNOW that Mary and I are to minister together. God IS GOING TO use us, TOGETHER!!

God bless. Love in Christ.
James A. Stillwagon II

Dear Joel and Kathy.

The last two days at home have been much better than in the past.

Mary and I prayed together, talked, held hands laughed and loved. Chapter 20 is great.

I spent Thursday with Caleb at an Environmental Camp (8AM to Noon), and it was great. We three went to see the movie Madagascar and we had a great time. Last night, Friday, Caleb, Joey (his best friend) and I had a “Light Sabre” fight in the dark in our house. It was great fun. I was hiding in the closet waiting for the boys to find me and Mary walked by. I thought it was one of the boys, turned on my “Jedi Sword” and jumped out at Mary.

I truly am blessed to have such a wonderful wife, and I am truly beginning to die to myself daily, permitting God to make me into the man He has called me to be, so that I can be the man Mary needs me to be.

I have listened to the 6 CD’s on 6/5/05 and have had my eyes opened. I could/would not hear much of what was being said before. But the Holy Spirit has brought me to the point to where my ears were opened and the scales have fallen off of my eyes. I know I have not “arrived” and that there is still work to be done. However, I am now looking forward to the journey, making it WITH Mary, the love of my life.

I cannot say enough how much I Love Jesus and my wife Mary Rose. She is the most loving, caring, compassionate and tenderhearted woman in the world. She is the best.

I thank the Lord for Caleb and that he is seeing a Dad that loves, honors and respects his mother, meeting her needs in the love of Christ.

I am also very thankful for you both. This ministry is needed so very much. I see it every shift at the FD and am seeing how it has changed my marriage. Please let me know if you have anymore CD’s so that we can give them out to friends.

May the Lord richly bless you, and place His warring and ministering angels around your marriage hedging you in from the devices and attacks from the enemy.

In Christ.
James A. Stillwagon II

Dear Joel and Kathy,

We listened to the Focus on the Family radio program from 6/8/05.

The guest was a Todd Wilson giving wives advice on what their husbands want. It basically sounded like a new and humorous twist on the old submission message. He ended by saying: “Just let him, the lead dog lead, even if he goes the wrong direction, follow him.” “If the house is falling apart around you, and he is passive, just let it fall apart, the Lord will bring him around.” Earlier in his message he said: “Your husband just wants you to tell him how big his muscles are.”

I am a husband and I can assure you that I do not need my ego stroked, as I am no longer an insecure child. Praise God!

Just thought you might want to check out the Family.org web site and go to their archived radio broadcasts from 06/08/05. Mary and I were very surprised and offended as well.

In Christ.
James A. Stillwagon II

Dear Jim,

Thanks for the heads up on the Focus broadcast. Dr. James Dobson puts out a lot of good material, however, we have noticed in the monthly magazine they send out, that the 'wife only submit' message is still firmly entrenched. You are really on the right track, being able to pick up on that out of the radio broadcast... especially the ego stroke for the insecure child. That is great.

Tell Mary that she can still compliment you, but, not because you will be an angry and hurt child if she does not do so... but, just because it is fun! When you are maturing, that stuff goes into the realm of 'just added fun' in the marriage, and not a necessity as a recipe for success.

It floors us also when we hear messages like that. Focus has not adopted the mutual submission message with enough clarity yet to be able to weed out the 'wife only submit' messages that their guests and column writers contribute.... but, they do so many good things, and have so many good guests, that they are still worth listening to if you get the broadcast regularly. Just chuckle at the comments made by guests that are like those made by Todd Wilson! In the meantime though, continue to be a 'missionary' in getting the truth into the hands of the couples who are still suffering under that type of teaching.

Blessings, and congratulations,
Joel and Kathy

Dear Joel and Kathy

Mary and I agree. Focus has been a regular program for us. And the day after that message from Todd Wilson, I leaned over to Mary, flexed my biceps and said (In a boyish, teasing way) “So, tell how big my muscles are.” She did, and we both had a good laugh. I love to laugh with my wife.

Joel, I can sense a deepening in my relationship with Christ and my wife Mary. We are making decisions “together”, “in prayer” and “waiting upon the Lord.”

Also, the decision we were making about my being closer to home has been made. We truly believe the Lord wants me where I have been. The Lord has shown us that even though I would be closer to home, the effects of working in that atmosphere would be more stressful than what I had been experiencing. The lieutenants I have been supervising for the last two years are all Christians. We have a great working relationship and are concerned for the welfare of families. Also, as Chaplain of the FD, Mary has recently said she never fully realized just how important Chaplains are. We are now desiring to work together in the ministry to Firefighters and their families, with much prayer and seeking the will of the Lord. We also know that before the structure of ministry can be built, the foundation has to be laid and firm. Our marriage is first and foremost in this process. We both have an equal partnership and joint interest in the successful example of our marriage to others, PRIOR TO any ministry involvement.

Joel and Kathy, in the past 13years of marriage I have never sensed a more abiding one-ness with my wife as I do right now. It’s not emotion or feelings.

It is a knowing, in my spirit, that is only explained and understood in Christ. I am now beginning to see the relationship of the bride to the Bridegroom, and just what it means to “love my wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.”

Today, I expressed to Mary just how much I need her. I depend on her for so much. She is the best.

In Christ.
James A. Stillwagon II

Dear Joel and Kathy

We are doing great. Our relationship is deepening and we are seeing God moving in our marriage.

We have been on vacation since June 24th in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, and our time together has been fantastic.

Mary’s mother is ill so Mary and Caleb, our son, stayed in Michigan and I flew back yesterday July 22nd. I am by myself for awhile as Mary needs to help take care of her mother. We both prayed about it and believe the Lord lead us to this decision, due to how things were orchestrated. The decision was difficult as we really want to be together. However, Gods word does say for children to honor their father and mother, so this is what we are doing TOGETHER. This is also an opportunity for our son Caleb to see our profession of Christ put into action. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful wife and son.
Mary is my BEST FRIEND! I truly am in love with her and want to meet her needs.

Now, when Mary asks me to do something, it is not done grudgingly, with a look of “How dare you interrupt me when I am so busy (Doing absolutely nothing is more like it),” and a heavy sigh. It is “automatic”. It is done “because I want to meet the needs of my wife.” Being married is becoming easy, dying to myself is much sweeter, as I increase in desire to please the one God gave me to love, cherish and honor to His Glory. I guess we have always been like minded, but it seems that there is a deepening, a clearer direction in this. I believe this is happening because of what the Lord has done in me, Mary and our marriage.

There is now the FREEDOM for our marriage to be all that God has intended it to be, in every aspect.

Joel and Kathy, I cannot say it any more plainly than this.

May the blessing of the Lord our God be poured upon you in full measure, over flowing to the blessing of others for His honor and Glory.

In Christ.
James A. Stillwagon II

Mary and I have been watching the dvd series from Bradenton and I am seeing myself in much of what you have been sharing.

The Holy Spirit has been convicting me of the areas that are in need of dying and the death has not been an easy one I must admit. However, Gods grace is greater than ALL MY SIN and I am certain that our marriage will be heaven on earth when I finally grow up out of my adolescence. At least I’m not a toddler anymore. Well, at least not as often as I was.

Seriously, the thought patterns are beginning to change and they will continue to be replaced with the new thoughts. Thoughts on how I can give life to my wife and not death.

The Lord bless and keep you both.

In Christ.
James A. Stillwagon II
Battalion Chief/Department Chaplain

Good Morning Joel and Kathy,

I have received the book and so far it has been a tremendous help. Thankyou for all your in sight. I truly thank God for you both and your perspective and all that you've been through to help others.

Thank you again
God Bless!!
Wanda Romeo

Dear Joel and Kathy,

Thank you for the excerpt of your book: The man of her dreams, the woman of his. I enjoyed reading it. I was surprised to hear Joel admit to his faults, which men rarely do. It’s always the woman who does. You both touched on many points that ministers to the marriage. Well done! I wish you great success.

Mary Greene

Thanks for that dynamite email. It is a classic!

We love you guys so much! Thanks for all your immeasurable help and care.

Jim has been very sweet the last 2 days and doesn't know why! I told him to try to remember why so he can keep it up!

I got roses today. YES! And we have a DATE planned for later...

Thank, You Jesus!

Love and Blessings to you,

Tina

Here are three letters. Reading all three give the full picture. We hope to find the original letter to complete this, but this is great! May, 2006

April 17
Just writing you to update you! Clint has been reading the book and is overwhelmed with what he is reading and discovering! He sent this text message to me: "Thank you for getting this book. I feel its anointed power to negate the satanic hold and to start the process of my healing and restoration." He called me numerous times while reading the book and getting to parts that he said, "Wow...this is me."

He asked me out a couple of times to meet with him, but I didn't meet with him until yesterday afternoon. We went to the park, had a picnic, and talked extensively, and went over the questions in the book. He was more honest than I believe he has EVER been throughout our marriage! He admitted to the intimidation tactics that he uses...and that he is fully aware when he implements them...opposed to what he has always told me previously. He stated that he knows that he is not "clinically depressed or manic-depressive"...merely manipulative...and he apologized for all. Wow, huh?!!

I am still, however, going to remain in a separate place for awhile and am not yet returning home. I am praying and have not yet felt "released" by the LORD to return home. I know that I have much healing to gain as well. So, we've both agreed to take it a step at a time. He's not pressuring me to come home.

He did state, however, that he would like for us to counsel with you all...if possible. He said that he would be calling to talk with you all today. Please let him know if counseling with you all is possible (in light of your schedules).

I am excited (yet still a bit cautious) about what is happening in our lives! But, I am looking forward to complete restoration and healing of our marriage! In Jesus' Name!

Thank you, once again, for your obedience in sharing your testimony with the Body of Christ!

I love and appreciate you greatly!

In His Love,

~April~


Hi April,

I talked to Clint yesterday. He agreed that he made a mistake in thinking that God told him not to work.. so he is getting a job. That is good. We all make mistakes occasionally in hearing God's voice and it was good for him to be willing to acknowledge that this was one time that he did.

He also is going to move out as soon as he can so that you can move back into the house that he is in so that you can be back 'home' and he can be on the outside instead of vice-versa. He agreed that would be safer for you and a better living arrangement than where you are currently staying.

There is definitely a lot of hope. You really should not be back together though, living together until he gets the job and moves out for a month or so.

He may not go through the emotional swings of demanding to come back home etc. as he has read the book and owns his attitudes. If he is going to 'crash' and start demanding and yelling etc. he would do it within a month. My guess is that he will not go there.. and if he gets and holds a job for a month, and if his employer gives you a rosy report on his attitude after that month, and if he is paying yours and his rent or otherwise giving you support... then you would be pretty safe to let him come back.

This is also assuming that he is still reading the book and owning his issues etc.

I encouraged him to get the DVD seminar to watch on TV and the Audio book to listen to in the car. The seminar in Bradenton will of course be the solidifying time.

Blessings,

Joel of Joel and Kathy


From 5/3

Well, Joel and Kathy...all is well! McClinton and I are doing well and are definitely on our way to a "brand new marriage"!!! We have both finished our copies of your book and are implementing the principles therein...with great success! Thank you, again, so much!


Well...just wanting to update you both! We will keep in touch!

God bless!

-April

Scott and Jodi from Australia loaned the Book on Audio CD set to friends.. also in Australia. Here is there report to them:

Hi Jodi,

Those cd''s are awesome! Stuart absolutely loved them.

I really was not sure how he would react to them but he has really enjoyed them.

We both think it is very revelational and is what the church needs at this moment. We also gave a copy to Mark and Marcia. They have listened to the first one and said it is very anointed. They have already passed the first cd on to a young couple.

Stuart has listened to the cd''s a couple of times now, I have on ly once but plan to listen to them all again by the end of the week.

Thanks so much for passing them on, I am sure a lot of people are going to get a lot of revelation from them and see a lot of changes in their marriage.

Praise the Lord!

Bless you heaps,

Love,

Philippa

Hi Kathy and Joel,

Just wanted to pass along a "good" piece of news for a change!

He finally did it last night -- WITHOUT MY REMINDER!!! For about the last three weeks, I have been talking to Chris about having that "talk" with at least the oldest of our children -- the one where he "takes ownership" of all this junk, and apologizes for being such a poor example, and tells him it''s NOT all my fault that we keep having so many problems and fights....

Monday, it became a little more pressing to me, after a conversation I had with Jacob -- and realizing he sees it just that way -- mommy yells at daddy so much... Like I was ''the big bad mean wifey''..... Hurts coming from your eleven year old-- who was there BEFORE the husband!!

But last night, CHRIS told Jacob to stay up after the little ones were going to bed, and talked to him, letting him know that it was CHRIS''S fault that we have been living the way that we have. That he was slacking in HIS responsibilities, and that is why I was always upset with him... That it''s not my fault... And even told him, "the next time you see mommy yelling at me, look at me and think about what I have done (or not done!) to make her f eel that way AGAIN."

I was amazed!!! AND THEN, after Jacob went to bed, Chris asked me what I needed him to do -- and then HE DID IT!... and then... we did our bible study together, like we were supposed to.....

I am like, ready to fall over and die!!


FINALLY smiling,
: )

Lorna

---Dear Kathy,

Hello. I wanted to tell you that when I read your email, I found it very liberating. ("It is my turn now" by Kathy.. sent a few weeks ago.)

It is so liberating not to have to feel guilty for responding badly.

After feeling like I was such a bad Christian woman and unable to overcome for many years - to hear that I have been only responding to bad behavior truly is liberating and healing.

You see, even I didn't really know what was going on. The scales have come off MY eyes and now I see EXACTLY what is going on!

Frank is doing well. We had a good weekend. We did have one ''glitch'' on Saturday returning from town. Traveling has not been a good time with us!

Now I know some of the reasons.

It really makes me feel bad whenever Frank ignores me. I am finding just how ingrained the habit is with him.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, o n Saturday, I felt that he was ignoring me and we had a bad time. Later, I said to him that he could have handled the situation better if he had pulled over to a safe spot in the car and sorted things out.

The next day, we were traveling again. Same place. Only 40 minutes away. I was doing the driving this time and talking to him. Suddenly I knew that he had mentally "switched off."

I mentioned this to him and guess what?

He surprised me by saying to me, "Just pull over." Sure enough, he took off his seat belt, hugged me, and said he was sorry....

Hallelujah!

Well, then I felt fine.... we continued on our journey.

Shortly again, I had to say the same thing. "You are ignoring me...." Guess what again? Frank said, "Oh, please pull over."

Same thing. He took his belt off , leaned over and said how sorry he was, apologized etc.
Hallelujah...

I think it was four times on the way in that we had to stop.

Ignored pull over...ignored, pull over....ignored, pull over....ignored, pull over....
Every one happy.....
Good day shopping....everyone happy still....

I think we had another pull over coming home...then Frank started saying jokingly "When we get to the next town, pull over."

No reason, just for a hug!

We did that. Then we started off again.

Again he said, "When we get to the next town, pull over..."

Another hug.

Oh, that was sweet. We were laughing together. It made our day.

I THINK THIS COULD BE A KEY FOR JOEL TO TELL THE MEN ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THINGS WHEN YOU ARE IN THE CAR AND A PROBLEM COMES UP. (From Joel: absolutely! this is a great solution!)

On Sunday, he put me on our daughter''s horse bareback and gave me the picnic sandwiches to hold which HE had made. He walked me up to a field to graze the two horses he was leading.

We are 53 years old. Not spring chickens and not usually horse riders.

It was a beautiful spring-like day and we sat on a towel together and watched the horses and had our picnic.

On Monday, I felt like he had treated me like the Queen of Sheba..

We are on a bush block. (From Joel: Hmm.. Australian for happy? or "on cloud nine?"

I had a day home alone which is not that usual. So I put some good Christian music on and I was whooping and hollering and dancing away. We have no near neighbors, so I REALLY let my hair down.

I thank God for what He is doing.

And thank-you so much Kathy for letting Joel ''''zip'' in where needed so to speak (when I wrote to you) and allowing Joel to give his counsel and STAND UP FOR WOMEN....

Last night when he came home from work, I thought I''d do the right thing and go and greet him, with a smile. However, I don''t know what it was. He was doing the right thing. He said the right thing. However, you know what I felt? I felt like he was repelling me. It was something I felt in my spirit.

Anyway, he did apologize and I think it should be ok when he comes home tonight.

It''s just so good to KNOW exactly what''s going on now.

Once I never knew WHY I wasn''t feeling good. NOW I know.

Thanks again to both of you.

Have given the two books we ordered, away and look forward to hearing something from those two couples .

Leanne (and Frank)
Australia

Born again in a much deeper, more real way.

Hi Joel and Kathy,

Good things are happening around here! My husband and
I were both surprised at how difficult it has been for
him to hear my heart.

There was much more hurt in there than my husband had
anticipated. He kind of thought, " Oh, this will be a
piece of cake".

My husband shares that he feels as though he has been
born again. Everything in his Christianity is
becoming new. Some day I hope he tells you about it.
I want him to share with you. (Note from Joel: We
often tell men that they have to "really" get born
again.. that their born-again experience stopped at
the outside of their front door! I felt like Bess''s
husband.. that I had gotten totally born again - but
it was not until 18 years after I asked Jesus into my
heart!)

As for me, I keep asking him, "Is this real, do you
mean it?"

Just last night as he was giving me a back message I
began to tear up. I told him that his touch was
bringing healing to my heart.

Also, it is a little difficult for me to realize that
I was not wrong all these years. My desires for our
marriage and for how to serve the Lord were not wrong.
This brings so much hope to me and to my husband.

Some day, we will have a ministry. Praise God! Joel
and Kathy, you are bearing good fruit with this
ministry and message that the Lord has given to you to
give.

God bless and love in Christ,

Bess (and Norm)

P.S. That Pastor''s wives'' web site was so sad.
http://www.rockdove.com/pwsupprt.html
I can''t even read it. My husband has been reading to
see just how much damage that Christian men are doing
to their wives and to learn the hurts that are in
Christian women. He wants to understand to never hurt
me again. (Note from Joel and Kathy: What a smart
husband!)
--
Healing Emotions

Hi Kathy,

This was a great message and very nice to hear from
you. (Referring to the newsletter: "It is my turn now"
from Kathy)

I am so hoping that I too will get past the pain of
remembering and truly move on.

My husband and I are both very hopeful. Things are
looking good.

Every time I start to get all weepy or angry etc. we
hang tight and go for the ride until it passes. This
is something new for both my husband and myself.

In the past whenever I would go through emotional
struggles my husband would take charge and talk me out
of it, etc. He was thinking that was what he was
supposed to do.

It is a new thing for the both of us to just allow me
to vent and for my husband to simply validate my
feelings and continue to love me through it.

Praise God, we are both learning and growing in this
new teaching and understanding.

In Christ,

Bess (and Norm)

2 Corinthians 10:12
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

After reading these most recent letters sent to us by Joel over the last two days my husband mentioned to me this morning, " Well honey, it could be worse, you could be married to _________(fill in the blank).

I retorted back, "Well, so could you, I haven't committed adultery or left you, and besides the bible tells us not to compare ourselves to one another, only Jesus is our standard, we are to compare ourselves to Him and then we all come short".

I just wanted to remind all of us reading these letters to be careful. The goal is to see men become like Christ and then the women. We are all here to learn and grow and to pray. It is a huge mistake to compare ourselves to others for the better or worse. That is always wrong and will lead to defeat. Jesus is Lord! IN Christ, Bess

19th August 2006

This is a letter from Bess. Thanks Bess! This is GREAT!

I hope that it is OK for me to share an issue that had come up between me and my sweet hubby. Although my husband had been calling me gougeous, beautiful, lucsious, pretty, etc., it fell on deaf ears. He was often frustrated and puzzled at my rejection of his compliments. I shared with him that he always gave me compliments with a silent disclaimer. I was gorgeous, but not gorgeous enough, I was pretty, but not pretty enough, I was sexy, but not sexy enough. He always had this playboy standard and image in his mind that I knew he had and that I could not and would not ever measure up to.

I told him that I needed to be good enough. I needed for him to be fully and completely devoted to me as I am right now. I can't be perfect. I am a woman in my 40's with 12 children. I want to be his special treasure. This convicted my husband. He did not deny that he had been doing that to me and placing that kind of pressure on me.

Now when he compliments me I have been accepting them because I know that he has made a committment to give them with "no disclaimer". Praise God!

19th aug

Sent: Friday, August 18, 2006 8:15 AM

Subject: Question for Bess

Question from a (worried) husband!

How did she know this?

Was this because of the way he said it? or how frequent just woman's intuition ?

I think we are all guilty of some form of silent ad ons and our wives are very perceptive, more than we give them credit for.

I am concerned that we are trying to be loving kind considerate and listening to where the need is but at the same time we are sending out completely an unwanted set of unspokens that our wives pick up on instantly.

This is a loaded question and I have been thinking all morning how to answer. Are you willing to ask your wife when was the very first time that you ever hurt her in this area. I can remember in the very first weeks of our marriage my husband rubbed his hand across my nude belly and said, " I want this to be flat". I never forgot those hurtful words. Thus ensued a lifetime project for me to try to achieve a flat tummy (remember I am the mother of 12, interpretation- 12 pregnacies). Do you see a flat tummy in this picture? Has your wife ever found porn in or among your personal belongings? Do you watch t.v. shows or movies with obviously beautiful sexy women? What things might you have said to her over the years that may have implied your disatisfaction with her physical appearance or her sexuality? (If you are truly clueless then ask her and then let her tell you).

A challenge to the men. Jesus warned his disciples that whoever sets his hand to the plow and looks back is not worthy. The apostle James reminds us that a double minded man is unstable in all of his ways and will recieve nothing from the Lord. ( And Norm laughingly says, "and nothing from his wife either!) If you are going to be heading toward this path that Joel and kathy have set before you are you truly prepared to take it all the way to the cross? Your cross. Your death. Don't make this a game. Your wife will know.

Hey Joel and Kathy, here is an email that I had sent to Norm a few days ago. Thought it may help others to see what a woman may be feeling inside while she is opening up past hurts and feelings. We (me in particular) were going through a rough time.

----- Original Message -----

From: Bess

To: Norm

Sent: Monday, August 21, 2006 8:08 AM

Subject: To my sweetheart!

Hi lover, please help me to heal by staying strong for me. I need you during these difficult times. I love you and I need you everyday. Forever your love, Bess

---------------------------------------

Note from Joel. Many times a wife will be afraid that if she expresses too much hurt and disappointment, that her husband will give up and backslide. This is a nice note that expresses a world of emotion. Men, you need to reassure your wives CONSTANTLY that you WANT them to unload on you emotionally. Assure her that though it is difficult for you and causes you to die inside - that you want her to feel free to say whatever she needs to say, whenever she wants to say it - so that she can get closure and you can grow up. Assure her that there is NOTHING that she could say or do that would drive you away - she is safe to express anything and you will not leave her.

For some of you guys who were more abusive, be VERY careful how you say, "There is NOTHING that you could say or do to drive me away." That might come across as a "stalker" threat instead of a loving and compassionate reassurance. So, adjust your words accordingly. This is the world you created and you have to be careful as you seek to repair it!

Blessings!

Joel and Kathy

Hi Joel and Kathy, I want to share with you a situation that has come up with us. Joel, in your DVD seminar you told the men that if they are loving their wife and doing what they need to be doing for her and she has a situation that she is not overcoming then she will call a girlfriend for prayer and cousel.

Well, that is just what happened with me. I had not even realized it until after I called the friend and got the cousel and advice. I was just stalemated and unable to get past a very bad attitude toward Norm even though he was validating my feelings and loving me. Finally out of desperation I made contact with a woman counselor on line. She helped me to see my way through my circumstances and to come reason with my feelings. Like I said I did not even remember your words on the DVD about such a situation until after I got the cousel and talked to Norm about it. Praise God, Joel you are so right about your counsel to men. Guys, God is faithful. Do your part and the Lord will do His!

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